It feels like yesterday; boxes surrounded me, attempting to dig out my “Power” suit for an interview, and in the next 30 days, I will once again be surrounded by boxes.
Lord, have your way. Where ever you send me, I will go”. I have learned that whenever I pray a prayer like that, without fail, God moves…….
0600 the very next morning, my husband comes into the dining room and announces that he has received a notice of assignment. All I could do was laugh. I knew this was nothing but God. While I was highly excited for him, I was also frantic. Suddenly, I became overwhelmed with all of these thoughts. Where are we going to live, and what am I going to do? I have finally settled into a career and now have to start over, again, for the 10th time!!!!! It feels like yesterday; boxes surrounded me, attempting to dig out my “Power” suit for an interview, and in the next 30 days, I will once again be surrounded by boxes.
As spouses, we, too, take the oath of office.
This time, finding a home at the height of the real estate market in an area where bidding wars are going on everywhere was not ideal. To top it off, my mortgage broker calls me to give me the great news that my interest rate has now gone up one percent!
As spouses, we, too, take the oath of office. We vow to place service before self, to be mission-focused, to keep our heads held high, and be the support our military member needs. However, and please do not judge me for saying this; it does not come with a paycheck. We take that oath for free and hope we don’t get penalized because we don’t have “stability in the job market.” Maybe I am the only one who has been there, but this “Military life” can be hard sometimes.
I hung up the phone and became flooded with discouragement and fear. I couldn’t help but ask “God have I done something wrong?” Offer after offer, job application after job application. Nothing was coming together. I locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. Cried out to God, apologizing for everything I could think of, hoping He would forgive me and not take my favor away. I kept saying to Him, “Lord, you said you control the hearts of kings; please channel hearts towards me. I am so scared. I have nowhere to live and no job. I know you are my help and my source, but I need your help. I know this move is You. I know that you were waiting on my yes. I gave it to you, Lord, now, I need you to move in my life”. Even this prayer of desperation felt so faithless, so..wrong. At that moment, I felt God cover me with His compassion and love. He directed me to Psalm 23. “The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.” I took a minute to let that verse soak into the depths of my soul. The Lord began to remind me that the Shepherd researches the best pasture for his flock. He knows the areas with the correct terrain and the most abundant source of food and water.
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God leads and guides His flock to the places He has already scouted. God reassured me that He is my good Shepherd. I do not have to fear or worry about where I will go or what I will do. He will bring my family and me to the place He has prepared for us. A place that will bring us peace and not confusion. A place we can afford, a place that will be a blessing, not only to us but to His Kingdom. He will also supply me with work to do. Work that will be fulfilling and balanced. He requires me to rest in Him and remain in Him. Trust in Him, His nature, and His character never fails. The one thing about having moved so many times is that God has proven Himself to be faithful each time. We have always had a home, and I have always had work to do. Not one time were we homeless or helpless.
With each testing season, my faith has grown, and my relationship with God has strengthened. I have been blessed to experience God in unique ways and blown away by His goodness and faithfulness. He has never disappointed and has always done more than I could have ever done on my own.
We all go through those moments, and I have learned that instead of fighting it, lean into it.
Deep down, I know He will do it again. After all, this move is His, not mine. This assignment is His, not mine. I am merely a steward of what He owns. My husband is a Chaplain—an “under-shepherd,” if you will, to a flock of Airmen. We have had the privilege of working directly with our Airmen and families for years. What has been required of us has been significant, but it has been so worth it. During the time we have served in the Air Force, we have seen God heal marriages, restore families, and bring wayward children home. There may be a lot of uncertainty in my life at this moment, but there is one thing that is for sure, God is in complete control. He has never brought us to a place and left us. All He wants is for us to be obedient.
If you are in a season of pressing, fear not!! You are not alone! We all go through those moments, and I have learned that instead of fighting it, lean into it. Allow God to challenge and change you. Let Him stretch and mold you into who He desires you to become. Don’t lose hope! Press into Him and His word. Grab hold of it with everything you have. He will show up for you, and when He does, you will look back on the challenge with gratitude and stand in awe at how good He is!