If either one of you does not feel respected, protected, and secure, then it’s time for a reset because God wants your marriage to be naked and unashamed.
It sounds a little like an old Austin Powers quote, “Talk dirty to me, baby!” But there’s a courageous conversation happening in Christian circles lately about what it means and what it looks like to talk dirty in the bedroom—is it ok? And when have we crossed a line?
We believe God has given us an enormous amount of freedom to be innovative and fun in the bedroom. As long as you’re not hurting anybody or bringing anybody else into the bedroom, then what a husband and wife do is their business. No one is going to referee what is done or said in that sacred space.
However, we think most Christians struggle with that aspect of freedom when they realize the extremes of how much flexibility we have to express ourselves, enjoy each other, and have fun.
Honor God and Each Other
As Christians, we have a responsibility wherever we are to be mindful of our words. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (NLT). But is it abusive if both of you are having fun being a little naughty and sexy in your language?
The core of the fear is that God watches everything you do in the bedroom, disapproving if you do or say something dirty. Truth is, sex is a gift, and we don’t have to be rigid, still, and silent during intimate moments with our spouse. At the same time, we have to be careful not to go beyond a fun expression and celebration of your love, intimacy, and mutual respect. If that freedom causes us to delve into territory that’s inspired or motivated by porn culture where we’re living out certain ideas that require us to disrespect our spouse, it poisons that freedom.
Whatever language makes you feel sexy and a little naughty—even cussing or swearing— make sure it honors God and that it honors each other. Sex itself should honor God, not only in the union of marriage but also in not allowing anything to muddy up the marriage bed.
Communication Is Key
You have to get vulnerable and talk to each other about how you feel. If you allow something you dislike that makes you feel disrespected or cheapened to continue, your spouse won’t know it bothers you. Communicate fully with each other—not in the middle of sex, but after—and have an honest conversation about how you feel about dirty talk.
Your marriage bed has to be the safest place on earth for both of you to express and enjoy yourselves and to feel respected and protected by each other. If either one of you does not feel respected, protected, and secure, then it’s time for a reset because God wants your marriage to be naked and unashamed.