It started innocently. The two of you just connected. You had a lot in common, and before you knew it, you started looking forward to more encounters with your âfriendâ. And thatâs all he or she is in your eyes⌠at least, for now.
Thatâs what you tell yourself in your heart of hearts. You donât want to hurt your spouse, but this âfriendâ is such a good listener and makes you feel lovedâŚdesiredâŚrespectedâŚwanted. Things you havenât felt with your spouse in a long time, but youâve never really talked about it.
You started spending more and more time with this person and even went to lunch a few times. And, you tell yourself itâs okay because, after all, you are JUST FRIENDS, right? But, you find yourself sharing more personal stories than you had intended and locking eyes longer than you wanted. During your encounters, time tends to stand still, and every day you find yourself thinking about this person more and more.
And, before you know it, you realize that some major boundaries have been crossed, and you are afraid to tell your spouse about it.
Does any of this sound familiar, Friend? If so, please know that you are not alone.
Thereâs nothing wrong with finding a kindred spirit in another person. In fact, itâs awesomeâbut, itâs a slippery, nosedive of a slope when this close friendship is with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse or family member. This may sound harsh and even ridiculous to you. I mean, weâre all adults, right? We should be able to control ourselves and be âfriendsâ with whoever we wantâŚright?
Well, not exactly.
Would you be okay with your spouse having this same kind of âfriendshipâ? Same conversations? Same encounters? Same attraction?
Probably notâŚright?
I know you love your spouse and would never hurt him/her on purpose. But, Friend, please hear meâbeing close friends with someone of the opposite sex isnât good for your marriage AT ALL. As one who works with struggling married couples on a daily basis, it breaks my heart to see these âfriendshipsâ wounding marriages time and time again.
Close friendships with those of the opposite sex open up your heart and marriage to a world of hurt, and hereâs why:
1. Your frequent conversations with this friend are like cords of a ropeâeach one making the connection stronger and more intimate.
2. Your longing for more interactions is evidence of your desire to know this person more, and this is dangerous territory.
3. As a man and woman, it is only natural for this connection to continue to progress to a physical, sexual relationship over time, unless you are intentional about putting boundaries in place and creating distance between you and your friend.
4. The excitement and allure of this new friendship is intoxicating and is harder to let go the longer it carries on.
I donât tell you all of this to make you feel bad; I tell you these truths to warn you and keep you from doing something that could devastate your marriage. If you have a âfriendâ like this, then please do whatever it takes to put some distance between you, create healthy boundaries, and fight for your marriage. Go home and connect with your spouseâNOT this friend.
If you recognize that you are in pretty deep with this friend of the opposite sex and possibly have romantic feelings for him/her, then you need to confess this romantic affair to your spouse and seek Christian marriage counseling immediately.
This may be very difficult, and it will be hard for your spouse to process. But, itâs better to confess this now then to engage in a full blown sexual affair later. The two of you can get through this when you decide to fight for each other and do what is necessary to rebuild trust. Donât let this opposite sex friend distract you from your commitment to your spouse. Your marriage is worth fighting for. Let this be a wake up call. Itâs not too late, Friend.