We learned a thing or two from that season (and subsequent ones), and that experience has helped us navigate the holidays better.
The holiday season is such an exciting time for many of us as we gather with family and friends, sit at the table, share meals together, and reflect on memories and experiences from years past. However, the holidays can look quite different for those of us who have lost loved ones, who are single parents, who are part of a blended family. Major life transitions and changes can prevent us from being together with those we love.
If you are a single parent or have recently become a blended family, you might be wondering what to expect with the “first” holidays in your new life setting. What will Christmas be like now that we are a blended family? Or now that I’m a single parent? In our experience, holidays have their ups and downs. Scott and I married in November 2013, and shortly afterward we went straight into the holiday season, where we experienced our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together as a blended family. What we thought was going to be “the most wonderful time of the year” turned into something far from that. We were trying to navigate married life, blended family life, and the holidays all at once. We did not set ourselves up for success!
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We learned a thing or two from that season (and subsequent ones), and that experience has helped us navigate the holidays better.
One significant thing we learned was the importance of preparing the children and ourselves for change. Being prayerful and preparing our hearts for the holidays is important because we may or may not have our children with us like they were before the divorce or remarriage. In our first holiday season, Scott and I did not get to spend Christmas Day with my oldest son. While I had experienced this multiple times as a single parent, this was new (and challenging) for Scott. We learned to pray and to set our thoughts and minds on things above (Colossians 3:1-2). We focused on the wonderful time that our son would have with his other family. And we focused on enjoying the family who were present with us. That perspective helped us not only enjoy the present moment, but it also shaped our posture in the future seasons.
Another lesson we learned was the importance of establishing healthy communication in our home and between co-parents and extended family. This is especially important in the holiday season when a schedule can become overwhelming. The busier things get, the more complicated the calendar becomes, making it even more important to maintain communication. Keeping co-parents informed can help prevent disunity. We understand that not all co-parenting situations are pleasant or amicable, but we can do our part to provide the best situation for our children.
We always encourage co-parents to talk about holiday plans early in the year, as well as plans for the upcoming season. In blended families, plans change quickly and often, so the more advance notice you give, the better the outcome for your kids and all families involved. This also includes extended family on both sides and those of the other household. In blended families it can be hard enough figuring out what you and your immediate family are going to do for the holidays and adding in extended family can make it more challenging.
We can check the posture of our heart and respond in a loving and gracious way, or we can respond in a negative way that could strain relationships, cause disunity, and hurt the children involved.
We have also learned that during the holiday season, people tend to be more open to reflection. They are more willing to mend fences and heal relationships, so this time of year provides an opportunity to extend the olive branch to our coparent. By being graceful and flexible, we can take the first step towards a better relationship not only with our co-parents, but also with extended family and even our own blended families.
Over the years, we have discovered that we can make all the plans that we want, but life can throw us curve balls. When things do not go according to plan, we have a choice: we can check the posture of our heart and respond in a loving and gracious way, or we can respond in a negative way that could strain relationships, cause disunity, and hurt the children involved. We try to choose the path of grace, forgiveness, and peace.
You may be experiencing your first holiday as a blended family or have been a blended family for ten years. Regardless, some seasons come with moments of joy and excitement along with fits of frustration. God’s grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9), and when we do our part to pray, plan, and remain flexible, we create a more pleasant, enjoyable experience for our children and blended family.
