If you’ve lived on Planet Earth for more than ten minutes, chances are high that you’ve noticed some broken and confusing messages about sex. Every time we scroll through social media, drive by a suggestive billboard, or turn on the TV, it seems like we’re being bombarded with images and messages that cheapen the sacredness of sex. It’s understandable that we’d all have some forms of sexual baggage from living in a world with so many broken messages.
After years of marriage ministry, we’ve discovered that all married couples want a healthy sex life; but sadly, most married couples are held back by various forms of sexual baggage. The good news is that you don’t have to stay stuck in a rut. The secret to great sex is perhaps simpler than you’ve imagined. While there are certainly unique factors that require customized solutions, the main factor is within easy reach for all of us…
The secret to great sex is to replace the world’s lies about sex with God’s Truth about sex.
Our world is bombarding us with many lies about sex. There are countless lies out there, but many of them stem from three core lies. If you’ll root your mind in the truths that debunk these three lies about sex, you’ll have a massive head start toward more peace and more pleasure in the marriage bed.
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Lie #1: Sex is a dirty or shameful act.
Truth: Sex is a beautiful gift from God meant to be enjoyed in marriage.
I can picture Satan smiling when a married couple refuses to truly enjoy sex because of the lie that it’s somehow a dirty or shameful act. God created sex and sex is beautiful. Yes, when used outside of marriage it always causes pain and baggage, but within marriage, it’s a God-given gift meant to bring mutual pleasure and connection. It’s meant to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.” -Song of Solomon 1:2
Lie #2: Porn and sexual fantasies are harmless forms of entertainment.
Truth: Allowing sexual sin to play out on our screens or in our minds is damaging.
Sex is meant to be private between a husband and a wife, but the world has dragged this sacred and private act onto screens as a source of entertainment. When we objectify others, we dehumanize them, and we cheapen the sacredness of sex. Don’t fall into the trap of porn. We know from experience that nothing good comes from it.
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2
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Lie #3: Sexual sins are unforgivable.
Truth: You’re not defined by your sexual sin. You’re defined by Christ’s love and forgiveness.
If you’re living with the shame of past sexual sin or if you can’t seem to get past your spouse’s sexual past, it’s time to trust those scars into the hands of Jesus. He paid for all our sins on the cross. In Him, we are a new creation. Embrace the grace He gives, let go of the shame, and start walking in freedom!
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new creation. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
Choose to live in the freedom Jesus has given you! For more info on embracing God’s plan for great sex in a world of counterfeit messages, you can listen to The Naked Marriage Podcast and check out our book, “The Counterfeit Climax: Confronting the issues that sabotage sex, romance and relationships.”
