One of the most important characteristics of a healthy marriage is to make decisions without regard to emotions. Emotions are fickle and unpredictable. They may be very real, but they can also be very wrong. But at the same time, we’re humans.
We are emotional creatures. So, how can you keep emotions from impacting the health of your marriage? The best approach is to pre-make your decisions now. Instead of making decisions based on how you feel, make them based on what is right and what is best for your relationship.
Here are 10 decisions to make today about your marriage:
- We will never threaten divorce.
Saying things like, “Maybe we should just get divorced” in the heat of an argument adds fear, not clarity. It doesn’t solve the issue, it escalates it. You were married for life, so take divorce off the table. Don’t use threats of divorce as leverage to get your spouse to do something. In fact, take the word out of your vocabulary altogether. Work out your problems without using that word. - We will never go to bed angry.
Try not to let problems linger overnight. If you can’t fully resolve something right away, at least agree on a time to talk it through. Emotional distance grows quickly when small frustrations pile up. Seeking help from a therapist, coach, or trusted couple can be a powerful tool when you’re stuck. Asking for support is a sign of strength, not failure. - We will never “agree to disagree.”
Marriage is the longest journey you’ll take in your life, but if one spouse is going one direction and the other spouse goes the other way, you will always have conflict and start to grow apart. Make it a priority to seek understanding and alignment. It might take time and compromise, but shared direction brings peace. - We will respect and celebrate our differences.
You are two distinct individuals, which means you won’t always look at the world the same way. Instead of criticizing each other’s perspectives, get curious. A difference in opinion isn’t a threat; it’s a change to learn. Teams are strongest when they have a range of skills, experience, and ideas. - We will give each other right to complain and be honest without paying a price.
Think of yourself as a customer relations counter for your marriage. If your customer—your spouse—brings a complaint to you, then listen to that complaint and work to make it right. Accept it with a good attitude. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t be defensive. Don’t shame your spouse for being honest with you. - We will be faithful to each other.
Faithfulness means more than just sexual faithfulness (though of course that is a big part of your marriage vows). Faithfulness also refers to your emotions. Even during times of frustration or difficulty, never let your heart be turned away from each other to another person. - We will develop healthy relationships with couples that share our values.
If you want to know what your marriage will look like in five years, observe the couples you’re spending time with today. Divorces run in packs. Seek out friendships that support your values and encourage healthy communication, not ones that normalize criticism, sarcasm, or giving up when things get hard. - We will make our decisions together.
The two of you are equal partners. One person’s voice shouldn’t outweigh the other’s. Whether you’re deciding where to live, how to budget, or how to parent, approach these conversations as a team. Never bully each other to change or influence a decision. - We will prioritize our marriage above everything else.
Apart from a relationship with God, your marriage is the most important relationship in your life. It is more important than your children, your job, your personal interests or your hobbies. Determine to work hard to meet each other’s needs, and refuse to sacrifice your marriage for anything or anyone else. - We will choose to love even when it’s hard.
Marriage is sacrificial and permanent. It is not a relationship of convenience. The vows “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health” are covenant vows. That means your marriage is based on the decision to love and cherish each other and not on feelings, convenience or comfort.
Marriage doesn’t have to be perfect to be great. It just needs two people willing to keep showing up, learning, and choosing each other every day. If you’re looking for a simple, meaningful way to stay connected throughout the year, check out our couple’s devotional, I Will: 365 Daily Promises for Your Marriage. Each day includes a short reflection and a new promise to make to each other, designed to spark honest conversation and deepen trust, one day at a time.