If you’ve ever looked around your house—kids everywhere, someone always needing something, and a Velcro dog that follows you into the bathroom—and thought, “How are we supposed to have sex in this chaos?” you’re not alone.
Finding moments of privacy with your spouse can feel nearly impossible in a full house, but don’t let it become the norm.
Here are three practical tips to help keep intimacy alive:
1. Set a Clear “Do Not Disturb” Boundary
Whether it’s just to watch a show, have a conversation, or just breathe for a minute, your kids need to know there are some “Do Not Disturb” moments for you and your spouse. Establishing a “Do Not Disturb” policy may feel strange at first, but it’s key for carving out private time with your spouse.
If your children are very young or there’s some kind of emergency, of course you’ll need to leave the room. But making your bedroom a space where you and your spouse can temporarily retreat is essential.
2. Give Your Spouse Non-Sexual (and some sexual) Touches Throughout the Day
When you’re in a busy house where everybody is running into each other, it’s easy to start overlooking your spouse or just seeing them as another body in your way as you’re bumping into everyone and everything.
Be intentional about small, affectionate touches throughout the day. Like a hand on their lower back while passing in the hallways, a kiss on the cheek while making coffee, or a little flirty wink across a room. These aren’t just cute moments, they’re mini-connection points. They also can pave the way to foreplay and the moment you’ve been waiting for at the end of the day.
3. Prioritize Privacy Like It’s Self-Care
When your routine is shot and your house is messy and nonstop, it’s easy to go into survival mode and hit “pause” on any type of intimacy with your spouse. While this is an understandable response, it’s also a dangerous mistake. In times like these, you need private time with your spouse more than ever.
Find ways to create private moments. Go on walks without the kids. Use nap time or screen time strategically. Lean on that “Do Not Disturb” policy. Don’t just survive the chaos, fight for space to reconnect, talk, flirt, and be close.
Making It Work
It takes much more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it is nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it. Prioritize your spouse’s sexual needs, especially if one of you has a higher drive. Remember: you’re the only person on earth designed to meet that need for them.
With prioritizing your sex life, don’t prioritize just the act itself but also more affection, foreplay, playfulness, and celebration of each other. Be patient and kind during seasons of stress, illness, or insecurity. When needed, get help. Be willing to talk through the hard things.
Sex is a gift—meant to be enjoyed in marriage, not just endured. So protect it. Prioritize it. And keep finding creative ways to make it work, even in a full house.