All of us enter marriage with baggage that we bring from our past. Maybe it’s pain from prior relationships. Maybe our baggage comes from our childhood or from bad parenting.
Whatever the cause, no one marries a blank slate. All of us have wounds in our past. Some people enter this sacred relationship thinking otherwise. Unfortunately, marriage is not a magical bandage for our wounds.
Saying “I do” doesn’t automatically fix hurting people.
The secret to success is whether you deal with those issues like a gardener or a consumer.
The Gardener’s Approach
A gardener approaches marriage as a living, breathing entity that requires:
- Intentional care
- Patient understanding
- Continuous learning
When challenges arise, a gardener doesn’t see problems—they see opportunities for growth. They ask:
- What does this relationship need to flourish?
- How can I provide the right nutrients for our connection?
- What skills do we need to develop together?
The Consumer’s Approach
A consumer views marriage transactionally:
- Focuses on personal needs
- Seeks perfection
- Quickly becomes dissatisfied
When difficulties emerge, a consumer’s first instinct is to:
- Blame their spouse
- Consider replacement
- Minimize investment
- Seek an easier alternative
Feeling Stuck? You’re Not Alone
If you recognize yourself in the consumer approach or feel trapped in a cycle of frustration and disconnection, take a deep breath. This is not the end of your story—it’s a turning point. At XO Institute, we specialize in helping even the most unhealthy relationships overcome challenges and find restoration.
Our Marriage Coaching Sessions are designed to:
- Unpack negative relationship patterns
- Rebuild communication and trust
- Create a shared vision for your marriage
- Provide personalized strategies for growth
Our compassionate coaches are here to walk alongside you, offering hope, practical tools, and a pathway to a more fulfilling relationship. Whether you’re on the brink of giving up or simply wanting to improve your connection, our tailored coaching can help you shift from a consumer mindset to a gardener’s approach. We’re here to help.