I recently heard about a couple in their eighties who were in counseling for sexual issues. It’s a true story. He was complaining that his wife wasn’t giving him the type of sex he enjoyed. After their counseling session, they left arm in arm ready for an amorous evening together.
Sex is such an important part of marriage. It is something we should both work at to keep it exciting and satisfying for both of us. Without sex and having fun in marriage the relationship becomes mundane and business-like. Sex is the only unique feature of marriage and is designed by God to bring pleasure and intimacy for a lifetime.
Without sex and having fun in marriage the relationship becomes mundane and business-like. Sex is the only unique feature of marriage and is designed by God to bring pleasure and intimacy for a lifetime.
I was on a television program a few years ago where they were taking calls from their viewers. One of the viewers that called was a lady from the northeast. She was in her sixties and complained that her husband had erectile dysfunction and wasn’t meeting her sexual needs. When she confronted him about the problem and asked him to get medical treatment that would have easily cured the problem, his response was, “I’m O.K., I’m happy just like we are.” She was devastated.
Obviously her husband was an insensitive and selfish man. I guess he thought his feelings were the only ones that were important in the marriage. I like what Dr. Phil says regarding sex. He says, “If you don’t think sex is important, just ask the person who isn’t getting any.”
The typical scenario of sexual frustration is that of a young husband who wants more sex than his wife wants to give him. Younger women need to understand that their husbands normally need more sex than they do. Just as they want their husbands to meet their needs in a sacrificial and sensitive manner, they need to do the same for their husbands in the area of sex. Generally speaking, men have the need for sex and women have the gift of sex. They need to give that gift generously. It is essential for a good marriage.
Another very common scenario that isn’t talked about as much is an older woman who wants more sex than her husband. Even though this can happen at any age, it is more common for a man’s sex drive to drop as they get older as their wife’s libido actually increases.
Men experience a decrease in their level of testosterone as they grow older. This is the main reason for a decreased sex drive. As women grow older and lose the fear of pregnancy, grow more comfortable expressing their sexuality and have less responsibility with children, they often desire more sex.
Just as a young man wants his wife to be energetic and enthusiastic regarding his sexual needs, the same holds true as a couple ages. It doesn’t matter if you have the same desire as your spouse. The only thing that matters is that they have the desire and are dependant upon you to meet it. This is what makes a good marriage when both spouses care enough about each other to sacrificially serve each other and meet each others needs.
Is your spouse sexually satisfied? Do they feel comfortable sharing with you their needs and desires? Are you willing to meet their needs even if you don’t understand them or share them? Are you willing to change or get medical help if necessary?
We need to honestly evaluate our attitudes toward sex. The eighty-something year old couple reminds us, this issue is going to be around for a while. It’s either going to bring us together or keep us apart. And ultimately it will either fulfill us or frustrate us.
Take this issue seriously and work to make sure sex is as important in your marriage as it should be.