When you first got married, you might have made a silly assumption. Maybe you believed that the longer you were together, the fewer words you’d need to share. You imagined that you’d just know what the other was thinking before they even said it. You’d be so in sync that glances and body language would say it all—you’d practically read each other’s minds.
But over time, you’ve probably realized that this assumption is unrealistic and can lead to misunderstandings, disappointments, and arguments. Does this sound familiar? Do you or your spouse struggle with expecting each other to be mind-readers? If so, here are some signs and tips to help you overcome this.
Have you ever found yourself arguing with your spouse in your head, yet no words actually come out?
Have you tried to get their attention with eye rolls, pursed lips, sighs, or stomping around?
Or maybe you’ve told them that you’re upset because “you shouldn’t have to ask them to do _____” or “they should just know _____”?
If any of these sound familiar, then you might be struggling with expecting your spouse to be a mind-reader—and I promise, it will lead to frustration in your marriage. This is something many people learn the hard way, especially during those particularly challenging moments…
Imagine this: You’re trying to install some curtains in your home. It’s been a stressful day, and your spouse has gone out for a run to blow off some steam. Instead of asking for help, you decide to handle it yourself, feeling a bit like a martyr.
As you struggle with the curtain rod, frustration builds. Your mind races with thoughts like:
How could they leave me to do this alone? Don’t they know these curtains need to be installed RIGHT NOW?
But here’s the truth: You didn’t communicate your expectations. You just assumed they’d know. And because you didn’t express your needs, the frustration builds up inside.
By the time your spouse comes back, you’ve been silently fuming for a while. You decide to “help” them realize the error of their ways with exaggerated nonverbal cues—grunting, stomping, and making a big show of it all.
Finally, they notice and offer to help. But instead of accepting, you shout, “I can’t even LOOK at you right now!”
Your spouse is understandably confused—because you haven’t communicated what you needed.
This whole situation could have been avoided if you had simply told them what you needed, instead of expecting them to be a mind-reader.
Yes, you know each other well. Yes, you finish each other’s sentences. But neither of you is a mind-reader.
The only way to make your hopes, desires, and expectations clear is by opening your mouth and speaking the truth in love. Nonverbal communication is important, but it should be secondary to verbal communication.
Whenever you start having those silent arguments in your head, go to your spouse and share what’s on your heart. The sooner, the better. Ideally, it’s in person, but sometimes it’s a text or a call. But there should always be words involved.
You’ll find so much more peace in your home when you communicate openly, rather than playing the “guess what I’m thinking” game. Use your words, in the most loving and truthful way possible.