When we come together in marriage, we become one, but it doesn’t mean that we are going to agree on everything
When we come together in marriage, we become one, but it doesn’t mean that we are going to agree on everything. In fact, you can pretty much guarantee disagreements simply based on the differences that come with being male and female and having different upbringings. We aren’t going to see eye to eye all the time, and there will be moments when we are going to disagree. Even so, our disagreements don’t have to become arguments where we both say and do things we end up regretting.
Here are 5 things to remember when you and your spouse disagree:
- We must keep things in perspective.
The fact that we disagree with our spouse isn’t necessarily a problem. Issues arise when our pride takes over, and we take on an “I’m right and he/she’s wrong” perspective. When we approach our spouse with this negative and prideful perspective, we are setting ourselves up for a big fight. Instead, we can choose to view our disagreements as an opportunity to hear each other’s perspectives and work through our differences together.
- We need to respect our spouse’s opinion.
Even though he/she may have a different view of the situation at hand, we need to let our spouse share his/her thoughts without us interrupting or cutting the conversation off completely. We need to listen to our spouse. Then, we can share our thoughts and keep the line of communication open.
- We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
I am very guilty of this. Even though I can sometimes finish Dave’s sentences for him, I can’t do it all the time. I get myself into trouble sometimes when I think I have him completely figured out, and I don’t really listen when he is talking. So, once he is finished telling me about how he sees a situation, I try to verbally summarize what Dave just told me and repeat it back to him to make sure I’m truly understanding what he’s saying. This helps me to not jump to conclusions and to better understand his side of things, because it is very easy to misinterpret things–especially when you are so hoping that your partner is in full agreement with you on a matter.
- We must be willing to compromise.
In order for a marriage to work, there must be compromise. One spouse can’t always be right and the other can’t alwaysbe wrong. There must be a happy medium that works best for both partners. Remember: in marriage, you win together and lose together. There can’t be a winner and a loser because you are ONE. So, you must work it out. Disagreeing isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it’s just difficult. When we disagree, we must consider why we think the way we do and articulate it to our partner. It is a great exercise in self-reflection and communication with our spouse. It can make us stronger and more united, if we allow it to.
- Pray about it together.
When you find that emotions are high and progress in the conversation is at a standstill, be sure to take a pause and pray together. It is nearly impossible to stay angry at your spouse and pray for him/her at the same time. If you don’t believe me, just try it! When we pray with our spouse, we humble ourselves before the Lord together, and we also humble ourselves towards one another. God softens our hearts, and we can think more clearly. It’s important to note that prayer doesn’t have to be a last resort or something you do when you are at a breaking point. Make prayer a part of your everyday routine both personally and in your marriage, and your life and marriage will change for the better.
For more on how to strengthen your marriage, be sure to check out The Naked Marriage Podcast, wherever you listen to your podcasts and watch it on our XO YouTube channel.