When we come together in marriage, we become one, but it doesn’t mean that we are going to agree on everything. In fact, you can pretty much guarantee disagreements simply based on the differences that come with being male and female and having different upbringings. We aren’t going to see eye to eye ALL the time, and sometimes, it will be hard to swallow. So, how do we handle it?
Here are 4 things to remember when you and your spouse disagree.
This first one will help you to get in the right mindset…
1. We must keep things in perspective.
The fact that we disagree with our spouse isn’t necessarily a problem. Issues arise when our pride takes over, and we take on an “I’m right and he/she’s wrong” perspective. When we approach our spouse with this negative and prideful perspective, we are setting ourselves up for an argument. Instead, we must view our disagreements as an opportunity to hear each other’s perspectives and work through our differences together.
This next one will keep your disagreement from becoming an argument…
2. We need to respect our spouse’s opinion.
Even though he/she may have a different view of the situation at hand, we need to let him/her share his/her thoughts without us interrupting or cutting the conversation off completely. Let’s hear him/her out! Then, we can share our thoughts and keep the line of communication open.
This next one will keep you from misinterpreting what your spouse is trying to tell you…
3. We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
I am very guilty of this. Even though I can sometimes finish Dave’s sentences for him, I can’t do it ALL the time. I get myself into trouble sometimes when I think I have him completely figured out, and I don’t really listen when he is talking. So, once he is finished telling me about how he sees a situation, I try to verbally summarize what Dave just told me and repeat it back to him to make sure I’m truly understanding what he’s saying. This helps me to not jump to conclusions and to better understand his side of things, because it is very easy to misinterpret things…especially when you are so hoping that your partner is in full agreement with you on a matter.
This last one will help you both to have more peace in your relationship…
4. We must be willing to compromise.
In order for a marriage to work, there must be compromise. One spouse can’t always be right and the other can’t always be wrong. There must be a happy medium that works best for both partners. My husband often says that in a marriage you win together and lose together. There can’t be a winner and a loser because WE ARE ONE. So, we must work it out. Disagreeing isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it’s just difficult. When we disagree, we must consider why we think the way we do and articulate it to our partner. It is a great exercise in self-reflection and communication with our spouse. It can make us stronger and more united, if we allow it to.
For more on how you and your spouse can cultivate a stronger marriage, be sure to check out our HIS and HERS devotionals 7 Days to a Stronger Marriage Husband Edition and 7 Days to a Stronger Marriage Wife Edition.
Dave and Ashley Willis have built a strong following, reaching millions of married couples through their blogs, books, and videos. Get Dave and Ashley’s most popular resources for couples and groups. Their mission is to create resources focused on building Christ-centered marriages and families. They have four young sons and live near Augusta, Georgia.