A listener of The Naked Marriage Podcast recently sent a Facebook message to Ashley and me asking our advice. Her message echoed a frustration we have heard from many wives over the years. She said,
âDave and Ashley, first of all, thank you for all you do to help married couples! Iâve been so encouraged by your podcast, your book, and all your resources. Iâm writing to you today because I feel stuck and Iâm not sure what to do. Hereâs the situation. Iâve always wanted my husband to be the spiritual leader of the family, but he doesnât seem to have any interest in going to church, praying, Bible study, serving together or any aspect of faith. He says heâs a Christian and I believe that he believes in Jesus, but he doesnât seem to want to make any effort in things related to faith. The few times he has prayed with me or gone to church with me, I feel SO much closer to him, but those moments are very rare. How can I encourage my husband to be more of a spiritual leader? How can I help him prioritize his faith for his benefit and the benefit of our whole family without nagging him? I really feel stuck and discouraged. My faith in Christ is the most important part of my life, and right now, I donât get to share that with my husband. Help! Thanks so much for reading this.â âAmber L.
Can YOU relate to Amberâs struggle in your marriage? Our experience over the years has revealed the sad truth that countless wives (and some husbands too) feel this friction and frustration in their marriage. If you want and need your spouse to step up and make faith more of a priority, here are some things you can do.
1. Trust in Godâs Timing
âWait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.â (Psalm 27:14)
Remember that you donât have the power to change your spouse. Your primary job is to love your spouse and trust God to work through His love and your love to bring about changes. Remember that God loves your spouse even more than you do so in your prayers, keep thanking the Lord for the good in your life. Trust Him with your pain and frustration and consistently pray for your spouse. Keep praying! You might be the only person in your husbandâs life who is praying for him, and your prayers have power.
2. Be an Encourager; Not a Critic
âSo encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.â (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
When youâre frustrated by your spouseâs behavior in ANY aspect of marriage (whether itâs faith-related or not), thereâs a temptation to be snarky, sarcastic, cold or critical. Resist that temptation, because those negative behaviors are much more likely to cause more resentment than to create any healthy changes. When your spouse does something praiseworthy, make a BIG deal about it. Cheer on the good much more than youâre focusing on what youâd like to change. Encouragement almost always brings about more positive change than criticism or nagging.
3. Keep Prioritizing Your Faith, Even While Youâre Waiting for Your Spouse to Join You
âSo letâs not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we donât give up.â (Galatians 6:9)
Donât get stuck on autopilot while youâre waiting for your husband to step up. Remember that you have direct access to God through Christ and you can boldly approach His throne of Grace anytime. Keep praying. Keep setting the right example for your kids (and for your spouse). Keep making church attendance and involvement a priority. I know itâs more difficult when your spouse doesnât partner with you in these things, but donât let that stop you.
4. Keep Loving Your Spouse the Way God Loves
âThis is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.â (John 15:12)
God gives us His best when we are at our worst. He forgives us of our worst sins. He sacrifices for us when weâre in no position to repay and then weâre called to love each other the way He loves us. Donât treat your spouse the way your spouse treats you; treat your spouse the way God treats you. Keep giving your best. Continue to be a good spouse and a good witness. Donât lose hope or lose faith. God is only asking your faithfulness. Heâll handle the rest.
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