What Hinders Healthy Communication About Sex?


In order for a couple to have the kind of healthy sex life God intended within marriage, positive communication about each other’s needs and desires is essential. But in my years of counseling married couples, I’ve found one thing over and over again that hinders good sexual communication.

It’s a repressive attitude about sex.

Some people—especially women, in my experience—are raised to view sex in a negative light. All sex. It is usually communicated through a parent’s sexual comments and attitudes.

It is very easy for parents to communicate this negative perception of sex to their children, whether directly or indirectly. The effects can be profound once a child grows up and gets married.

Though now in a place where they should be experiencing the pleasures of sex, they find it very difficult—thanks to attitudes they learned from mom or dad.

Let me emphasize again that God created sex and it is beautiful. God’s perfect will is for you to have a pleasurable and exciting sex life with your spouse.

Don’t be ashamed of sex. Don’t treat it as a taboo issue. Talk about it openly and often with each other. Let your husband or wife know about your sexual desires and encourage your spouse to do the same.

Don’t let the devil rob you of the joy of sex by making it into a dirty subject!

I’ve also known people who view sex in a negative light due to a sexual sin in their past. If you’ve done something wrong, confess it to God. Repent and receive His forgiveness.

But don’t let the mistakes of your past keep you from enjoying your marriage today!

Just like anything else, sex can be a good thing (under the right circumstances) or a bad thing (under the wrong circumstances). Use your past as a reminder of what you shouldn’t do, then turn to God’s word to guide you into what you should do.

Wait—God’s Word? You may be wondering exactly what the Bible has to say about sexual pleasure. If that’s the case, let me introduce you to a book right in the middle of your Bible: Song of Solomon. Prepare to be surprised at how vividly the Bible describes the pleasures of sexual intimacy within God’s design!

It must also be said that many people have experienced sexual abuse in their past, and this hurt fuels their negative associations with sex. I do not want to minimize this pain in any way.

In these situations, it is important to bring your abusive past into the light of God’s healing grace. Ask Him to heal you. Ask Him to repair your sexual health. If necessary, get professional help to deal with these events in your past.

Remember, there is nothing God can’t heal. There is nothing He can’t give you the power to overcome. He wants you to enjoy one of his greatest gifts: the pleasures of sex within marriage.

Do not let past hurts, past mistakes, and a past understanding of sex prevent you from experiencing God’s blessings in the present.



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